Why We Are Mean to Those We Love – Free Ebook

[Music] we should in theory be nicer to our partners than to anyone else in the world a lot nicer than for example we are with any of our friends we like the latter we love the former but in fact we’re often monsters in love what explains our bad behavior that there’s so much at stake friends are with us just for the evening our mutual challenges may go no further than the need to locate a half-decent restaurant but the person we love has to be a best friend confit de NOS financial advisor chauffeur co-parent and sex mate no wonder they can’t succeed in every area but that we expect so much from them in love a problem that would not have to be maddening in and of itself perhaps a towel on the floor a chewing sound can unleash catastrophic anxiety when we feel that this may be a more or less permanent feature of the one life we’ve been granted on this earth at the backs of our minds driving our agitation on during domestic struggles is a simple explosive thought that the other person hasn’t just done this or that thing we find problematic they have ruined our lives we aren’t monsters with our friends because they have no capacity to do us much damage we need to have invested a lot in someone before we’ll be motivated to scream at them sound doors on the method call them an [ __ ] when they let us down paradoxically love makes us feel safe enough to be horrible if we were intemperate with our friends they very soon make excuses to stop seeing us but love lends us the safety to reveal our more disturbed emotions and show a partner who we really are and that’s a privilege we would in truth be wiser and kinder never fully to share with two edges away from self-righteousness and fury we should at moments of frustration accept that we haven’t come together with someone unusually incompetent with trying to do something unusually hard that everyone in the world fails at to some degree not least us we should blame the task not our colleague and we should at all times bear in mind too how hard we are to deal with nothing makes us into monsters faster than the illusion that we are on the whole really quite simple to be around if we sincerely believe this we haven’t begun to know the very first thing about ourselves asking someone to love you and be with you is a pretty mean thing to suggest to anyone you really want the best for we should try not to make it harder than it needs to be our our emotional first aid kit provides a set of useful selves to some of life’s most challenging psychological situations including friendship love sex work and self click the link on screen now to find out more be sure to subscribe to our Channel internal notifications

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