When Someone we love has died – Free Ebook

someone we loved so much has died here is a set of thoughts we might turn over in our minds to soften our grief and accompany our tears we’re often under subtle pressure to just get over what has happened and then to move on with our lives but we will never get over our loss in any simple way we won’t ever forget or naively recover and crucially we don’t have to the depth of our grief is simply the price we pay for the extent of our love we can feel an acute pressure to speak well of the dead and we want above all to express love and respect but we can admit without any guilt that the dead are no different from the living they were as we are beautifully flawed and fascinatingly complicated our relationship to the dead had ambiguous sides of course it did there were frustrations and disappointments misunderstandings that couldn’t be put right resentments and anxieties and tantalizing hopes that were never quite fulfilled our relationship to them was like this because this is the nature of all human loves it’s not a denial of love because love involves closeness and closeness is necessarily intricate ambivalence isn’t a refusal of love it’s a consequence of the profoundest kind of love we may feel we didn’t always love them as we now wish we had there were things we didn’t do or things we wish we hadn’t done things we’d change if only we could we don’t have to worry most of what we needed to say made its way to them indirectly we didn’t have to put it explicitly into words at a pivotal moment they knew or guessed they didn’t say everything either it’s just how human relationships function we don’t have to spell everything out because we do so much of the work in our own minds they understood that there was sufficient love and the proof of that is that we’re thinking of them now a word on immortality the moment when someone dies is not when their body ceases to exist but when the last person whose life was touched by them dies on this basis they have so long still left to live because they continue to survive within us the conversation with them goes on without end in our own minds they will be with us through many things that have not yet happened through so many dilemmas and joys and sorrows still to come our love can do strange things it can produce fears that the one we’ve lost might be feeling abandoned might be in pain somewhere might be feeling alone and dejected that we are currently letting them down or failing to look after them we mustn’t worry they are not unhappy they are properly at peace they don’t need us now they don’t blame us for anything they are not angry with us we cannot hurt or disappointment and they don’t resent us for being alive it may be frightening to die it is not frightening to be dead but they are genuinely at peace we will never forget them but we will live tomorrow and the next day this is not in gratitude or callousness its loyal to the values that we shared with them we can live on and still be faithful to everything they meant for us it’s not an attack on love to endure and to love again love once what’s good for the other love once there to be more love they will follow us through the rest of our lives no one can separate us from them we miss them so much and yet they are still here inside us and with us our resilience cards are designed to help us become tougher in the face of adversity to learn more follow the link on screen now you

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