What True Love Really Is – Free Ebook

The world is sick for a surprisingly modest-sounding
reason: we don’t understand love – and

yet we are rather convinced that we do. We
talk a lot of love of course, but generally

in terms of a dizzying rapture lasting a few
months focused on someone’s beauty, intelligence

and strength. The most convincing discussion
of love in the West came from Jesus of Nazareth,

which has been unfortunate, given how easy
it is to overlook everything he had to say

once you don’t ‘believe’. We might require
a new philosophy of love, in effect, a powerful

secular religion of love. Here would be seven
possible ingredients in

Love redefined: CHARITY Love means, above
anything else, benevolence and gentleness

towards what is failed, disgraced, broken,
unappealing, angry and foul in other people

and in ourselves. Love isn’t about an admiration
for strength, it’s about directing sympathy

in a most unexpected direction: at what is
messed up, lost and in pieces, and at what

we might hate, resent and be frightened of.
Anyone can express an interest in perfection,

to love is to devote an active charity towards
the mistakes and aberrations. One day, we

will all require the charity of others. In
one way or another, we’ll be on our knees

– and we will need people to look past our
evident failings in a tender search for our

deeply hidden merits. IMAGINATION To love
with imagination is to look beneath the surface

– where there may be rage, cynicism, brittleness
or transgression – and to picture the suffering

and pain that got a person to this place.
To love with imagination is to fill in the

better reasons why others are behaving as
they do. Imaginative love knows that we are

all, somewhere, desperate: it seeks out that
desperation and treats it with sorrowful gentleness.

KINDNESS There are so many fighters for social
justice, so many people determined to make

a better world. They denounce their enemies,
and feel certain of their cause, but along

the way, they have a fateful habit of forgetting
to be kind. In their denunciations of the

evils of others, there is precious little
mercy, humility, tenderness or grace. It is

not enough to be right or just, to be kind
is to know that everyone, even sinners, and

in a way, especially sinners, deserve ongoing
sympathy and mercy. It is never simply because

someone is wrong that we have any right to
cease showing them the greatest kindness.

FORGIVENESS To forgive is to know that we
are, in our own way, as guilty as the next

person. Given what we all are, we have no
option but to cut each other slack. Of course

we have failed and been hasty and less than
admirable. But that is no reason forever to

withhold love. We learn to forgive when we
are no longer self-righteous, that is, when

we’re brave enough to fathom the darker
sections of our own hearts. LOYALTY To love

means being loyal to people (this could be
ourselves) even though the crowd no longer

agrees. Outside the mob may be jeering, but
we continue on the same side, with steadfastness

and an unbudgeable resilient faith. GENEROSITY
Love overflows. It isn’t about loving just

one person, it encompasses the love of someone
you have just met, of strangers in another

land, of the earth, of plants, weevils, house
bats and a moth by the window who might be

dead by nightfall. PATIENCE We want others
to meet our hopes right now. But true love

means giving people the time to mature and
develop; to go wrong, to wander in another

direction, and not to shout at them but to
give them every chance to grow, at their own

pace, towards their better selves. If we can
believe wholeheartedly in some of the above,

it won’t matter who we vote for or what
our cause is, we can count as part of what

is helping. We should be almost done with
Romantic love by now. We should be setting

our sights on the challenge of this sort of
love. Yet it’s not surprising if we’re

still only at the beginning, we’re just
starting on the path to being human.

Love is a skill that we can learn. Our Relationships book calmly guides us with calm and charm through the key issues of

relationships to ensure that success in love need not be a matter of good luck. for more click the link now.

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