The Problems of Other Couples – Free Ebook

The Differences Between Us I go through life thinking that there’s a right way to do things and a wrong way to do things, and, uh, there’s isn’t a whole lot of room for subjectivity from my perspective. I’ve always been…kind of a person that…there is a gray area, and that like if things aren’t black or white, that’s okay. Zack and I are, right now, in different places as far as intimacy; we want intimacy at different times, uh, you know, at different, sort of, intensities of intimacy, um, and everything from cuddling to sex. I like getting up, like, super early, and I have the most energy when I wake up, and I’m like, the most intimate feeling, for lack of better words in the morning, um, so, and that’s hard ’cause John doesn’t want to get up until God knows when, um, so then if I try to wake him up, it’s just going to be a bad situation, and, on vice versa it’s the same thing, like John is, uh, feels very intimate at night and I want to sleep at night and get a good rest so I can get up at six o’clock, you know, as i do. I’m like a volcano, I erupt. And when I erupt, I…want to immediately deal with the situation, and Tim is…the ostrich, with his head in the sand… I worry that my pace…will… start to affect the way Kate sees me, that if my productivity doesn’t start to, at least, catch up to her’s, that…the weight that she feels dragging behind her, that is me, will start to, uh, take it’s toll on her. I feel like sometimes it’s this unnecessary weight being put on the relationship; she’s part way through talking to me about something and sort of realizes that she’s projecting or transposing stresses in her professional life, or in another relationship, and wants to fix it by somehow fixing us, or fixing something that’s not really a problem. The last little while we’ve been in a bit of a dynamic, where Cary tends to be the one who gets to say, “I want to blow off work today and go do something crazy fun!”, and I feel like I’m in the position of saying, “No”. But it’s like if we can identify something here and talk it through and fix it, I know the relation-like, that somehow everything is going to be okay if the relationship’s okay. And…that might be true to a certain degree, but sometimes that’s not actually about the relationship, and we’re making things about the relationship…that aren’t. It’s really easy with someone else to fall into patterns of behavior, but if you don’t reflect on them and negotiate about them…, I think that they can become stultifying, and I think that you can find yourself being someone that you’re not happy being, or exhibiting behaviors that you’re not really interested in exhibiting, but that’s just the vibe you’re in. Chris had come out of a serious relationship, where someone had been unfaithful to him. Not long after Chris and I, uh…got into a relationship, so I knew this would be something that would emerge. What bothers me about Leah is her aversion to conflict… um…I find that when we’re in a situation where conflict might arise, rather than going into that situation, she’ll try to find a way to navigate around it. It has come up in situations where I’m hanging out with, uh, a male friend that, um, I had had a history with, um, but, uh, I hadn’t gotten in touch with Chris and obviously he had, uh, he’d…had very strong feelings, so not just some feelings of jealousy, but uh, really strong reactions- you know, “are we going to break up? Is this something…” you know, “What went wrong?” Um, and then the result of that is: by avoiding conflict I’m-we’re driving right into another conflict, which is the aversion. Lid is more of a free spirit than I am, and my natural inclination when-when it comes to planning a trip or even, ah….going to an appointment or something like that is always to organize it in my mind. Well I suspect from Ross it age, where he thinks…much more negative thoughts than I do. Um…I think it’s quite a sore point, actually. And…and at eighty-five I doubt that it’s going to be resolved.

Leave a Reply