The Cat in the Hat Strikes Back

The sun did not shine.
It was too wet to play.
So she sat in the house
All that cold, cold, wet day.

She just sat in a chair
All alone, by herself.
As she watched the paint dry
On her brand new bookshelf.

Too wet to go out
And too cold to play ball.
As she sat in the house,
And did nothing at all.
And then
Something went BUMP!
How that bump made her jump!

She looked!
Then she saw him step in on that mat!
She looked!
And she saw him!
The Cat in the Hat!
And he said to her,
“Why do you sit there like that?”

“I know it is wet
And the sun is not sunny.
But we can have
Lots of good fun that is funny!”

“I know some good games we could play,”
Said the cat.
“I know some good tricks,”
Said the Cat in the Hat.
“A lot of good tricks.
I will show them to you.
Your mother
Will not mind at all if I do.”

She sat there and she
Did not know what to say.
Her mother was out of the house
For the day.

But her fish said, “No! No!
Make that cat go away!
Tell that Cat in the Hat
You do NOT want to play.
He should not be here.
He should not be about.
He should not be here
When your mother is out!”

“Now! Now! Have no fear.
Have no fear!” said the cat.
“My tricks are not bad,”
Said the Cat in the Hat.
“Why, we can have
Lots of good fun, if you wish,
With a game that I call
Let’s get rid of the fish!”
Then the cat chased the fish
Until she was caught.
And the fish hit the Cat in the head
With a pot.

“STOP!” Yelled the girl
“You do not have to fight
Either leave her alone or
you’re leaving!” “Alright”
Said the cat. “I’ll let the fish be.
Besides, there is something
I want you to see.”

And then he ran out.
And, then, fast as a whirl,
The Cat in the Hat
Came back in with a girl.

She was a cute girl
With eyes that shone bright.
With a sweatshirt and jeans
And teeth that shone white

Then he introduced her
With a tip of his hat.
“Here’s someone I’d like you to meet,”
Said the cat.
“She’s a sweet little girl
I will show to you now”
And the girl gave a twirl.
As the cat took a bow.

“Here’s a sweet little girl
And she wants to play
She can bring you some fun
On this cold, cold, wet day.
She is just like you are,
And I call her Thing One.
Would you like to shake hands
I’m sure you’ll have fun”

She was so bored and
She needed some fun.
So she went to shake hands
With the girl called Thing One.
And as they shook hands.
Her poor fish said, “No! No!
These two should not be
In the house! Make them go!

“They should not be here
When your mother is not!
Put them out! Put them out!”
Said the fish with the pot.
“Have no fear little fish,”
Said the Cat in the Hat.
“For she’s a good Thing.”
And he gave her a pat.
“She is tame. Oh, so tame!
She has come here to play.
She will give you some fun
On this wet, wet, wet day.”
“Now why don’t you two go and play,”
Said the cat.
“Just be on your way”
Said the Cat in the Hat.
“No! No do not go!”
Said the fish with the pot.
“Do not leave me alone
With this cat. You cannot.
Oh, I do not like cats!
They scare me, I admit!
Oh, I do not like this!
Not one little bit!”

But she went anyway,
She ran down the hall.
With Thing One, hand in hand,
They went to play dolls!
Hand in hand they went
To play dolls down the hall.

And left in the room
Was the fish and the cat.
The fish with the cat,
Well, she did not like that.
The fish was afraid
Of the Cat in the Hat.
He looked like a cat
But he smelled like a rat!

The cat said to the fish
With a gleam in his eyes.
“You know, we cats eat fish
This fact can’t be denied”
The fish shook with fear
As she attempted to run
But it’s not just Thing Ones
That want to have fun.

The cat won in the end,
The fish was no more.
“Well she didn’t put up much of a fight
What a bore.”
Then who should come back
But the girl and Thing One?
And the Cat in the Hat asked
“Did you two have fun?”

“We did” said Thing One
“But now she’s dried out
She’s no fun anymore”
Said Thing One with a pout.
“Well that’s the entire idea”
Said the Cat
“Now you’ll take her place”
Said the Cat in the Hat

“We’ll go house to house
All over the world
Taking the life force
Of each boy and girl
While their parents are gone
And it’s too wet to play
We will show up
And take them away
The best time to drain them
Is when their having fun
Then they’ll all be replaced
With Thing Twos and Thing Ones”

“Now take her outside”
Said the cat to Thing One
“Soon she’ll be nothing,
Just beams in the sun.
Then come back inside,
There’s work to be done
We’ve so much to do
We’ve only begun.”

Thing One went outside,
The girl trailing behind
Lifeless and slow
Not a thought in her mind.

Then the cat said “What fun
So much fun to be done
When the world is made up of
Thing Twos and Thing Ones
No more boring kids
Just moping about
For my Things will find fun
Of this I’ve no doubt”

Thing One came back in
In the clothes of the girl
“Are you ready to take her,
Place in this world?”
The new girl gave a nod
And the Cat said, “Then that’s that.”
And then he was gone
With a tip of his hat.

So, she sat in the chair
All alone, by herself.
As she watched the paint dry
On her brand new book shelf.
When her mother came in
She said “What did you do?”
Well, what would YOU do

If your mother asked YOU?

Credit To – Ivy Witch (and obviously inspired by The Cat in the Hat)

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