Self Sabotage – Free Ebook

It’s normal to expect that we’re always going to, almost by nature, actively seek out our own happiness. Especially in two big areas of potential satisfaction: relationships and careers. So it’s odd and not a little unnerving to discover just how often some of us appear to act as if we were, deliberately, out to ruin our chances of getting what we are, on the surface convinced, that we’re really after When going on dates with candidates we like the sound of, we may suddenly lapse into unnecessary opinionated or antagonistic behaviour. “Hello.” “Hi, Ellen, what’re you doing friday night?” “Yes?” “Yes?” “Who is this?” “Why, it’s Bill, Bill Jenkins.” “Narrator: So Bill didn’t do very well.” When we have no difficulty being charming with the type we aren’t so keen on, Or, in relationships, we may drive our partners to distraction through repeated, unwarranted accusations or angry explosions. As if we were somehow willing to bring on the sad day when, exhausted and frustrated, our loved ones would be forced to walk away. Still sympathetic, but unable to take so much drama. And similarly, we could destroy our chances of promotion at work when, out of the blue, after lots of promising years we get strident with our managers or, on several occasions, fail to hand in really important reports in time for meetings. Such behavior can’t be explained away as mere bad luck. It deserves a stronger, more intentional term. This is self-sabotage. What could possibly explain such destructiveness? In large part, how plain ennerving happiness can sometimes feel to us. Though happiness is, of course, what we all fundamentally want, for many of us, it isn’t really what we know. We grew up in and learned to make our peace with far darker scenarios. The prospect of hapiness when it in the end appears can, therefore, seem a bit counter intuitive and not a little bit frightening. It isn’t what we’ve come to expect. And it doesn’t feel like home. We may prefer to choose what’s comfortingly familiar, even if it’s difficult, over what is alienatingly fulfilling or good. Getting what we want can feel unbearably risky. It puts us at the mercy of fate. We open ourselves up to hope and subsequent possibility of loss. Self-sabotage may leave us sad but at least safely, blessedly, in control. It can be useful to keep the concept of self sabotage in mind when interpreting our and others odder behaviour. We should start to get suspicious when we catch ourselves pulling off erratic perfomances around people we deep down really like or need to impress. Furthermore, faced with certain kinds of viciousness and unreliability in others, we should dare to imagine the things are perhaps not quite as they seem. We might have on our hands not a nasty, malevolent opponent, but an almost touchingly wounded self saboter, who chiefly deserves a little patience and should gently be coaxed out of doing themselves further harm. We should come to terms with and help others to see just how hard and unnerving it can sometimes be to get close to some of the things we truly want. If you like our films take a look at our shop (Thoughtful books, games stationery and more…)

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