How to Get Divorced – Free Ebook

Have a challenging childhood with unreliable, reckless, or scary parents. Then, try never to think about, understand, or digest what you’ve been through. Grow up into an extremely romantic person with a firm conviction that there is someone out there who will entirely understand and heal the broken parts of you. Foster a faith in “the one”: an angel in human form. Dismiss a lot of candidates with healthy emotional backgrounds by saying that they are boring. Head for someone with similarly grave psychological wounds but far more importantly with an equal commitment to not understanding themselves. Spent a lot of money on a huge wedding. Think at length about seating plans and flowers. Don’t go anywhere near a marriage therapist. Acquire some distinctive communication skills where when you are annoyed you don’t really let on maybe drink or chop wood instead. Ask yourself if it’s normal to be a bit unhappy with someone sometimes. An answer with a firm, “No.” Trust that life for others is a bed of roses. Feel very justified in your own positions. Nurture self-righteousness. Stick to your guns. Be very insistent and keen on identifying your partner’s wrongdoings. Become a forensic expert in their flaws. Adopt a general line that it’s always the other person’s fault. Be very good at explaining why criticism of you is misguided and cruel. Always believe that any feedback about you is malevolent. Insist that love is about accepting the whole of you, every single bit. Always measure your current sentiment against the happiest day of your honeymoon. And be very good at noting how far it’s fallen. Carefully compare your daily experience with the media representations of newly engaged celebrities. Draw frequent attention to the aging process as it affects your partner. Blame them for not taking care of themselves enough. Frequently identify people in the street with whom you might be much happier. Point them out to your partner. Watch a lot of porn and judge your own sexual life by comparison Notice how many disappointing characteristics in your own children are the fault of your partner and your partner’s family. Draw enormous inferences from your partner’s irritating quirks of behavior around the kitchen and bathroom. Often ruminate on what potential damage your partner could have done to your career. Take your anger and disappointment with your partner and direct it towards having an affair. Argue that divorce is just an accident, means nothing, and the children won’t mind. Get a divorce. Remarry. Add tears. Start again.

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